Sex can be rife with insecurities, particularly given the pressure that women are put under to look 'perfect'. However, confidence is far sexier than any physical ideal so relax and you're a lot more likely to get the sex life you want. Here are some common concerns.
- “Will my lover like my body?” Porn often depicts women who fit a certain stereotype: big breasts, fake tan and slim figures. However, people find many different body types attractive. Being insecure will have much more of a negative effect on sex than a bit of cellulite, so accept your body and know that any partner who's in bed with you will be too busy enjoying what they love to focus on bits you hate.
- “Do I turn him on?” Most men experience erection issues at some point in their lives, and contrary to the stereotype, they don't all want sex all the time. If your lover turns down sex or isn't able to perform, it's more likely to be about him than you. Stress, alcohol and a poor lifestyle are just a few things that can hamper sex so if he can't perform, don't judge yourself (or him) harshly. Accept it as one of those things (unless it happens regularly in which case encourage him to go to the doctors). He can always use his hands or mouth to satisfy you. And you can take matters into your own hands or use a toy too.
- “Am I tight enough” Just as men worry about penis size, women may worry that their not toned enough down below, particularly after childbirth. However, kegel exercises will help you stay toned and increase blood flow to the area which helps boost your orgasmic chances too.
- “Will my lover enjoy it?” Every man has his own preferences so ask him what he likes – or better yet, show you. Don't worry about asking for guidance: it shows you care about his pleasure and means he gets the sex he wants, so it's in his interests too.
- “Do I taste OK?” Many women feel insecure about receiving oral but as long as you're clean and STI-free, there's no reason to worry about the way that you taste. If you feel insecure – or your partner is squeamish – shower together first to help allay your fears.
"Being insecure will have much more of a negative effect on sex than a bit of cellulite."